


This Animal

by theproudpenguin



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Horror, M/M, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 00:55:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10708758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theproudpenguin/pseuds/theproudpenguin
Summary: It was a rainy evening of November. My car broke down at the end of a lost and forgotten street; more like a rocky path in the woods than an actual street. Then I found this house, lost and lonely house. I couldn't have known hell would only start from there.





	This Animal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on livejournal in 2010. It was betaed by the marvelous all4cyanide.
> 
> First person POV. Dark and heavy.

It was a rainy evening in November.

My car broke down at the end of a lost and forgotten street; more like a rocky path in the woods than an actual street. No houses could be seen around, only lines of trees, seemingly endless in the dark. It was cold, freezing, and I was hungry. The car wouldn't start anymore; the engine was growling uselessly. My cell phone’s battery was dead, and I had no other way of communicating with the outside world.

I didn't even know how I got there, only that I knew I needed to run away. They were getting mad, and I was scared. Pieces of glasses everywhere in the kitchen, and he slapped her too hard, her bottom lip was bleeding. This time, the television wasn't loud enough to cover their screaming. I had to leave. 

I drove in a straight line, not caring where I was going. In this piece of crap car, something cheap I bought with the little money I earned from working as a cook in a fast-food, I drove. Until I got here, to this unknown place, lost to the world, wondering how the hell I'll get back. Not home. Just get back. 

Sighing, I left the car, keys dangling in my coat's pocket, a coat that I wrapped tighter around my shoulders as a cold breeze hit me. It brushed the trees, scared a few birds away. The rain was cold on my face, and the ground was muddy under my Converses. But I was determined to see if someone was living around here. I needed a phone. 

With one last glance at my car, I started to walk.

At points, the ground was slippery, and I nearly lost my balance. At other points, there were branches making me trip, or puddles of mud I couldn't see well in the dark. After ten minutes, I was completely soaked, water was pooling in my shoes, and I was most probably going to catch a cold. The wind sounded sinister, and all those leaves moved with it in a natural waltz that gave me shivers. After half an hour, I was already considering just spending the night in my car and waiting for the sun to rise, but a faint light caught my attention. Squinting, I walked to the source like a moth. 

A house. A house made of old, cracked and slowly getting moldy wood, but it was somehow still standing. A rocking chair was on the veranda, swinging with the wind, creaking every time. From the window, there was light. I could hear voices, someone laughing distinctly. 

Let the people in this house be gentle with me.

I walked the two steps and knocked on the door. All voices stopped at the same time, and I was left with a strange feeling in the bottom of my stomach. The door swung open, and I had to blink at the sudden bright light. A strong smell of cooked meat and vegetables hit me, and I was already salivating, my stomach empty since the morning. A young man, not looking much older than myself, stood in the doorframe, wearing a bright smile, but the glint in his eyes was both curious and wary. The hand on the doorknob was strong, as if he wondered if he should close it or not. His long brown hair was falling in front of his eyes, and his jeans were low on his hips. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and there was a huge birthmark on his shoulder, dark like a burn stain. He was tall and slim, and he was still looking at me without speaking, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. I cleared my throat. 

“I'm sorry for coming this late. My name is Matsumoto Jun, and my car broke down somewhere down the road. If you could just lend me a phone, it'll be enough.”

The boy's mouth opened and closed several times, but he didn't say anything, as if thinking better of it. Suddenly, he turned around and ran down the corridor, almost tripping on the shoes there. Not knowing how to react, and wondering if they would really mind, I stepped into the hall, just for a bit of heat and more of the delicious food scent.

As I was rubbing my hands together, the boy came back in my direction, pulling someone else by the hand behind him. The other shook it off and frowned, making the first one fly down the corridor again until I heard a door slam shut. 

“I'm sorry about this,” the new-comer said, a bit of a sheepish grin on his full lips. “Masaki has some issues with visitors. My name is Sho, how can I help you?”

Sho had a very clear and distinct way of speaking, as well as a confident attitude, but not overly so. Just the right kind to make you feel comfortable. His eyes were smiling even when his mouth wasn't, and unlike the first boy, Masaki, Sho was fully dressed, and both his hands were resting casually in his jeans’ pockets. 

“My car broke down a few miles away from here. I need a phone, if that isn't too much trouble,” I repeated again, and Sho was smiling warmly. He nodded. 

“Of course. Please follow me; the phone is in the kitchen.”

Shaking off my wet coat from my shoulders and stepping out of the old shoes in one quick pull, I followed the other man down the corridor. From one open door, I noticed a boy playing video games, so close to the television’ screen he couldn’t possibly see, fingers moving quickly on the controller. He never seemed to notice my presence, and Sho didn't bother to introduce him.

A turn to the right and we landed in a small but cozy kitchen. There was a table in the middle of the room, a window on the left, and the counter took the entire right wall. Another young man was sitting at the table, eyes glazed and staring into the air. His right hand was holding a pair of chopsticks, and he didn't seem to notice my presence either.

Masaki was nowhere to be found. 

Sho gave me the phone receiver with a smile. I smiled back, quietly thanking him, and I dialled my friend Toma's number. He answered after three rings.

“Yo Toma, it's Jun. I need your help.”

After explaining the situation and telling him about where I thought I was, Toma said:

“Look, it's pretty far. Can't you sleep wherever you are for the night, and I'll come tomorrow? How the hell did you get there, anyway?”

As the few sparks of hope I didn't even know pooling in my chest were suddenly dying, I sighed and rubbed my eyes, droplets of water running from my hair and hitting my hand. “Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow.”

After I hung up, I looked at Sho hopelessly, who was still looking at me gently. He nodded, as if answering the question I hadn’t had the chance to speak out loud. 

“You can sleep here for the night, if you want. We currently have an empty room on the second floor.”

I bowed. 

“Thank you, honestly. I'm sorry for intruding like this.”

Sho laughed and shook his head, putting a warm hand on my shoulder. “For the moment, let's get you out of these wet clothes and then you'll eat.”

This sounded like a perfect plan to me. As Sho was leading me out of the kitchen to the staircase, the man at the table didn't even blink. 

\--

Dry clothes on my back (a bit short; Sho was shorter than me), and a full meal in my stomach, I was resting on the small bed in the bedroom that would be mine for the night, hands behind my head. The room was small, and there was no furniture, but a bed and a cabinet next to the door. The wood floor cracked sinisterly every time someone walked on it, and the window had no curtains, showing the rivulets of the rain on the glass, and the trees shaking from the wind. The light was off, and I wanted to sleep so morning would come faster. But I wasn't tired. So many people in this house, and all of them were so calm. 

What was the laughter I heard from outside, earlier? 

Masaki seemed as shy as a kitten, and the two others I didn't know seemed to be too engrossed in their own worlds to actually speak. Only Sho seemed like someone who would talk. Someone I could consider ‘normal’. Unless there were other people here that I had yet to see.

Shivering, I turned on my side, facing the window. 

The wind was not calming down, and I was suddenly reminded of my car, in the middle of nowhere. Would someone steal it? Not that I really cared, it was an old piece of rust, and there was nothing in it I really was concerned about. Were there people around here, besides them? I had a vague feeling that no, they were alone. I sighed and buried my face in the pillow, smelling like old wood and humidity. I turned around again and noticed that the door was slightly open. I frowned; I was sure Sho had closed it fully when he left, earlier. Maybe the doors were opening by themselves, too.

The wind was pretty strong, after all.

I stood up, floor creaking under my feet, and closed it again, this time turning the lock on. I went back to bed, and hid under the covers, an uncontrollable shiver running through my body. Looking for heat in this bed I didn't know, I somehow managed to fall asleep.

\--

I didn't know what time it was, only that I felt a dull pressure at the back of my head, like someone staring at me intently. In my sleep, I moved to lie on my side until I faced the window. I yawned and laid on my back again. Something caught the corner of my eyes and my heart missed a beat, hurting in my ribcage.

In the corner of the room, someone was standing.

My hands uselessly grabbed at the blankets, and I wanted to scream, but the person suddenly moved from the darkness. It was Masaki, who was still half-naked, his eyes as bright as a dog. He tip-toed to the side of the bed, his eyes never leaving mine. He kneeled, and we were staring at each other. So many emotions crossed his eyes, but he never muttered a word. His fingers moved from his knees to the mattress, next to my face, and he was worrying his lip with his teeth, as if wondering if whatever he wanted to do was okay. His fingers were moving restlessly on the mattress, like he wanted to touch but didn't know how to, or if he could. 

Paralyzed from fear, I could only stare. 

The scent of dust and moisture and sweat was invading all my senses, and the floor cracked a little when Masaki leaned into the bed, the tip of his fingers grazing my cheek softly. His breathing became louder, and he was biting his lip so hard, I was surprised it didn't break.

He traced the features of my face, from the curve of my nose to my bottom lip, he didn't stop. And I was still lying paralyzed, breathing slowly and carefully, as if fearing to scare a wild animal away. Masaki looked fascinated, his eyes shining, innocent-like. I gulped, and Masaki followed the movement of my throat with his eyes, his fingers halting on the skin under my eye. His hand followed his eyes, and then there was warm palm on my throat, fingers tickling the hair on the back of my neck. Masaki moved closer, eyes remaining on his own hand. Then he squeezed gently. Another time. And another. 

Inwardly, I started to panic. 

Masaki released his lip from his teeth, and licked at it absently, his fingers squeezing tighter every time, until I gasped. He smiled, and there was something disturbing in his eyes, something like insanity. 

A tree branch outside hit the window violently with the wind and scared the other boy, who suddenly stood up and ran to the door. I could hear him run down the stairs. I hid under the covers, hands shaking and heart beating violently. 

Didn't I lock the door earlier?

\--

The second time I woke up, the room was lit by the day. Rain was still falling, but I sighed in happiness, thinking that Toma would come and bring me back soon. As I lay on my back, I remembered the night's visitor, and wondered if it was just a dream. I looked at the door, and noticed that it was closed. I ran my fingers on my neck, and thought that the earlier Toma came to get me, the faster I'd be happy. 

Slowly, I stood up and went downstairs. Scent of bacon and eggs were coming from the kitchen, and I could hear Sho singing to himself gently. While attempting to make myself invisible, I couldn’t stop the floor from creaking, and Sho looked up and smiled at me, a red apron wrapped around his waist.

At the table, the same man from yesterday was sitting at the same place, eyes still lost in front of him. The other boy who was playing video games was sitting next to him, a hand on the other's man knee under the table. He stared at me carefully, the dark circles under his eyes sharp against his pale skin. Masaki was nowhere to be found.

Sho led me to sit in front of the pair, and an air of awkwardness floated around; I didn't know where to look anymore. I played with the utensils on the table nervously, feeling the other man's eyes on me, burning like fire. 

“Nino, stop staring, it's impolite,” Sho chided, but it sounded more playful than threatening, setting down two fuming plates of broiled eggs in front of the pair. 

“I'm not staring; he's intriguing,” Nino argued back, and his voice was high and keen. His eyes were clear brown in almond shapes, and his wild black hair was falling in front of his eyes. “Isn't he intriguing, Oh-chan? Doesn’t he look different?” He then asked the man next to him in a soft voice, and the other nodded automatically, his hands moving as if they had a mind of their own, stuffing the food into his mouth. 

Nino smiled fondly at the other man, and started to eat from his own plate with his left hand, the other one staying on the man's thigh. 

Sho put another plate in front of me, and he was still smiling at me, as if to tell me to not worry. I started to eat mechanically, a vague sickness at the bottom of my stomach making it impossible to completely enjoy the food.

\--

I was waiting with the same excitement of a child waiting to open their gifts on Christmas Eve. Sat in what seemed to be the living room, with Nino playing video games across from me, I was staring through the window, waiting for a car to pull up, for Toma to suddenly appear.

I wanted to leave. 

Not because I wasn’t treated well. Sho was making me feel welcomed enough. But I didn’t feel well. There was something about this house, an atmosphere I couldn’t really put a word on... 

It was near evening again, the sun was slowly going down behind the clouds, and I did nothing all day but stare through the window and wait, the bubble of hope getting smaller and smaller with each passing hour. In the kitchen, Sho was washing dishes after isolating himself in the basement for the better part of the afternoon. Nino was still playing his game, every now and then swearing out loud or letting out a small shout of victory. The other man in the kitchen, Oh-chan, was probably still sitting there, and I didn't get a glimpse of Masaki the whole day.

When the day gave its place to the night, I started to get angry. Sho came to wait with me by the window, silently, arms crossed on his chest. I almost felt bad for showing so openly my want to leave, but then I thought that I probably wouldn't meet those people ever again.

Why would it matter?

“Maybe you should try calling him again,” Sho suggested after a few minutes, and I nodded. 

We went to the kitchen together, (Oh-chan was still there) and I dialled the number. 

Four rings and the answering machine came up. I frowned. I hung up, and then dialled again. The same. Sho looked at me with untold apologies in his eyes.

“This place is complicated to find. Maybe you should wait until tomorrow and call him earlier?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled and put the combine back on its base. Sho patted my back. 

“Sho!” Nino's voice suddenly came from the living room, and my heart started beating fast. Was Toma there?

We both ran to the room, and Nino pointed, annoyed, outside the window. Sho looked quickly and swore, running to the hall and swinging the front door open. A weird feeling I couldn't even explain took place in my guts as I took note of what was happening. 

Sho grabbed Masaki's arm forcefully from where the other boy was sitting on the wet ground, mouth painted in blood as the carcass of a rabbit fell from his hands.

Nino muttered something under his breath and went back to his game.

\--

“I told you no, Masaki. No. You don't do stuff like that.”

Sho was yelling at the other man, who was sitting on a chair in the kitchen, shivering. Like a kid, Masaki was stubbornly looking at the floor, his hands grabbing at his pants so tightly, his joints became white. Nino was sitting next to Oh-chan again, and looked mildly bored. Oh-chan's tired eyes were following the movement of Masaki's hands. 

“When you are hungry, you come to me. I'll make you food. You know that.”

Sho was getting tired, and his voice dropped from yelling to a disappointed murmur. He grabbed Masaki's chin in his fingers and left his face up. “And you look at me when I'm talking to you.”

Masaki bit his lip, and his eyes were shifting between Sho's face and the wall. I shifted against the doorframe, uncomfortable. What kind of scene was taking place in front of my eyes? Sho's thumb rubbed Masaki's cheek in a soothing manner, and Nino sighed, annoyed, leaning his head against Oh-chan's shoulder. The air was thick, awkward. I wanted to go away.

“Do you understand, Masaki?”

Eyes unable to focus more than a few seconds, Masaki nodded his head jerkily, and Sho's hand moved from his cheek to his hair, that he ruffled with affection. “All right, go.”

Without being told twice, Masaki ran away and hid in the basement. Nino and Oh-chan were both looking at Sho, as the other man rubbed the back of his neck with a pained sigh. He smiled forcefully at me, and I looked away, unable to hold the stare with the awkward knot in my stomach. 

“I'm sorry for this. Masaki has... He has... some problems,” Sho ended uneasily, and I nodded, not knowing if I really wanted to hear more. Nino snorted in exasperated amusement and yawned, lifting his head from Oh-chan's shoulder. He pecked the other man's cheek softly and stood up, shooting me a knowing smirk before walking away. 

“Satoshi, do you want something to eat?” Sho whispered loudly in the other man's ear, who shook his head slowly, staring in front of him without actually seeing anything. Sho nodded and walked past me into the corridor, gesturing for me to follow him to the basement. After a bit of hesitation on my side, Sho smiled. “Don't worry, Masaki is in his room.”

Maybe it was the reassuring glow in his eyes that made me follow him. Maybe it was because of the eerie atmosphere around the man named Satoshi that made me want to leave the room. The staircase was dark, and I grabbed onto the rail for dear life, but a sudden soft light lit the room, and Sho was smiling at me from the bottom of the stairs. 

The basement was small like the rest of the house. Most of the space contained bookcases, a desk was buried under newspapers, and there was a fireplace with an old couch facing it. Next to the fireplace were two doors. 

“The bathroom,” Sho pointed to the left one, “and Masaki's bedroom.”

I nodded, embarrassed at having been caught staring so much. It didn't seem to phase Sho, though, as he was still smiling, walking around the furniture to lean against the desk. I could feel the pressure of his eyes as I looked through the collection of books on the shelves. Most were about laws, others about economics, some dictionaries, and manga. A few were children books, and maybe two or three were works of fiction. What was noticeable was the age of those books. Most of them surely dated from 1980 and earlier. 

“I don't have much diversity,” Sho laughed. I shook my head, smiling back. It didn't matter; I wasn't planning on reading anyway. Sho stood up and walked to somewhere behind the stairs, and I followed him with my eyes, fingers on the cover of Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea by Jules Vernes. A small bar was leaning against the wall, and Sho poured himself a glass of dark brown liquid in a small glass, smile still playing on his full lips. He walked to me and tended the glass in my direction, before frowning and taking it back.

“How old are you?”

I chuckled. “I'm twenty,” I lied. No need to tell him real information about me, and I needed the alcohol, I realized. Sho's eyes were kind and gentle, and I couldn't find the will to say no, to remember everything my mother told me about strangers and their gifts. Sho seemed to analyze me with his eyes for a moment, before he obviously gave up and gave me the glass. He turned back to make himself another one. 

I smelled the liquid and pulled the glass back quickly. It smelt strong, maybe a bit too much. Not wanting to look like a wimp as Sho turned around with his own glass, I took a tentative sip, and it almost burnt my throat, as well as left a strong taste on my tongue. I must have made a face despite myself, because it was Sho's turn to chuckle. “Jack Daniel’s, you can't go wrong with that.”

I decided that I could finally live without it, though. I took another sip, and it nearly made me cough. 

“Shall we sit?” Sho asked, taking a pack of cigarettes from the desk and already heading for the couch. I had no other choice, but to follow him. He put the glass on the floor next to the couch, and lit a cigarette, breathing the smoke from his nose and mouth almost with a moan.

In the dim light of the basement, I found myself mesmerized by the curve of his lips, the shaggy mess of his hair. He seemed suddenly tired, more tired than I’ve ever seen him so far, and his long fingers, quavering a bit at the tip, were holding on the nicotine stick like a lifebuoy. 

I glanced at the unlit fireplace and took one long swallow of the strong alcohol, making me pull a face before I swap my mouth with the back of my hand subtly, trying to hide it. 

“It's not easy everyday,” Sho started softly, himself glancing at the fireplace. “Masaki's got... his own problems. Satoshi is not all there. Nino is a general brat. And I'm not much better than them,” he chuckled, leaning down to grab his glass. “I can't even remember how we met...”

The sentence was left in the air as his lips played with the hem of the glass, before swallowing its whole contents in one shot. He, too, pulled a face, but was suddenly smiling, taking another drag of his cigarette. I glanced at my glass, half-empty. 

“We haven't had any visitors in a few years, just the four of us all the time,” Sho said, thoughtfully. “We don't have cars; we don't have any ways to meet with the exterior world. We have a phone, though, and that's it. A television, but it's only for Nino and his games. Seeing you there made Masaki nervous, excited. He was doing good to control himself until now.” 

I almost felt guilty, even though there were no accusing tones in Sho's voice. I drank the rest of my glass and felt the burn of it through my whole body. The smoke of the cigarette made my head dizzy, adding with the alcohol.

And Sho's voice was soothing, gentle. 

“You're the first one in so long,” he smiled and looked at me. His eyes were surprisingly steady where mine tended to lose their focus. “We all can't help but wonder how it is, outside.” 

For a moment, I thought he was going to put his hand on my thigh, but instead he stood up while grabbing both glasses and walked back to the bar, where he poured another round. The scent of moisture and wood was strong, and my eyelids felt heavy, but then Sho was coming back with a glass full of brown liquid, and I sipped at it again, without second thoughts.

Sho pulled the last of his cigarette and as he breathed the smoke out, crushed it in an ashtray next to the couch that I didn't see. He then leaned back and stretched his legs in front of him, while taking one, long swallow of his alcohol. The bump of his throat was fascinating, but I forced myself to look away. He licked his lips. “I feel lonely, here.” Sho finally said. “I feel lonely, even though there’re four of us in this small house.” He looked at me. 

His hand was suddenly in front of my face, and I blinked, not quite understanding what it was doing there. He pushed back a strand of hair from my forehead. Nervous, I gulped the rest of my drink quickly, almost getting used to the nasty taste. His hand fell to my shoulder, but stayed there, a warm pressure above the shirt. Sho’s shirt. “Tell me more about yourself, Jun-kun.”

What was there to say about me? I cleared my throat slowly. “I'm from Tokyo. I ran away from home after my parents fought, I work in a fast-food, I dropped out school, and I have one older sister,” I babbled, wondering if Sho was even listening as he had one elbow leaning against the back of the couch, his fingers brushing against his smiling lips every now and then, his other hand still on my shoulder, heavy. I glanced at the glass in my hands, playing with it nervously on top of my thighs. I didn't feel so good anymore, a vague nausea invading me slowly. 

But Sho only nodded. His hand dropped from my shoulder and relief invaded me. “You should go back to school,” he said. “Without schooling, you won't go anywhere in life.” 

I shrugged, the same pang of annoyance hitting me. “I just want money to get out of my house for now,” and it was the truth. 

Sho nodded again, and the same comforting smile appeared on his lip. He patted the top of my head. “You'll find what is best for you at the right time.” 

I smiled back at him, finally hearing what I've been wanting to hear so many times before, instead of people calling me useless, idiot and insignificant. Sho chuckled. “You should smile more often.” 

I suddenly looked back at the glass in my hands, heat covering my cheeks embarrassingly fast. 

We stayed silent for a few minutes, hazy mind making me want to curl up and fall asleep right there on this couch. Somehow, my glance shifted from the fireplace to Sho's face, and I probably spent minutes staring at him, at the soft curve of his lips, at the bump of his nose, at the way his eyelashes moved every time he blinked, at the strong line of his neck, of his jaw.

Sho probably knew I was staring, but didn't do anything, kept staring in front of him, hands in his lap, posture relaxed. The soft lighting made everything orange and sharp, and even through the haze of my mind, something jumped in my stomach when he licked his lips, suddenly.

And then he was staring, too, leaning his head on the headrest so his neck was even more visible. He had something in his eyes, something glowing, almost predatory. 

I needed to get out of there. 

Unsteadily, I stood up. “I'm going to bed,” I announced shakily, and Sho nodded, his comforting smile back on his lips.

I made my way to the staircase while Sho stayed sitting on the couch, unmoving. Just as I reached the last step, there were noises of a belt getting unbuckled, and I heard, almost a sigh: “Masaki. Come here, baby.”

\--

In the bedroom, Nino was sitting on the bed, thin arms wrapped around his knees. His clear eyes were looking through the window in the dark, where the rain never stopped. The floor creaked as I walked in, and he looked at me. I could only stare back, leaning a little against the doorframe as the world spun around me. 

“You should be careful of Sakurai,” Nino whispered, and it took time to realize that 'Sakurai' was Sho's last name. “He may seem gentle, but he is not.”

I shrugged. To me, it sounded more like a kid angry at his parents and trying to put people against them. Nino sighed, and stood up slowly. “I'm only warning you. You can't say I didn't.”

As he brushed past me through the door, I murmured: “Anyway, I'm out of here by tomorrow.”

Nino froze and lifted an eyebrow, unknown emotion crossing through his eyes. “That's what we all said.” 

I was still staring even when he was already down the stairs and in his room.

\--

When I woke up, it was still night. My head felt heavy and I blinked hard to get better focus. 

A soft breath was at the back of my neck, fingers on my waist. I turned my head slowly and noticed a naked arm with a big birthmark on the shoulder. Masaki. 

He was lying in bed with me; I could feel his heat all over my back. His breath was even; his lips brushing against the back of my neck with every taken breath.

He was asleep.

I sighed, and closed my eyes, face hiding in the pillow. How would he react if I suddenly broke away? Would he attack me? His fingers were too tight against my waist, as if possessively holding a treasure. I couldn't break away even if I wanted. I was paralyzed under the fear. Closing my eyes, I hoped to get back to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning in an empty bed. 

But Masaki began to shift, as if waking up. He took a sharp intake of breath, and rubbed his cold nose into the back of my neck, making me shiver despite myself. He chuckled, low in his throat, and it was the closest to a normal human reaction I had ever heard from him.

“Pretty thing, pretty thing, you don't need to be scared,” he whispered sleepily, and his voice was surprisingly high and hoarse, like a mix of a child and a man. “I won't hurt you. I'll never hurt you.”

His hand was moving up and down my side now, his lips on my shoulder. “I'm not like them,” he admitted in a soft voice, his lips nipping gently. I couldn't even bring myself to look back to see his face. Masaki shifted behind me, and his breath wasn't in my neck anymore, but his presence was still there, above me. He was leaning on his elbow, trying to get a better look at my face. His other hand found one of mine under the blankets, and it was so cold. I couldn't move, inwardly panicking. I didn't want to rush him with a bad move, make him panic until he hurt me. Who knew what he could do. My heart was beating fast to the point of pain. 

His hand squeezed mine almost shyly. 

Then his lips were on my temple, my cheek, the side of my mouth. I held my breath and closed my eyes. It'll be over soon. He'll go away. His mouth found my ear and he whispered: “I'm not like them, Jun-kun. Look at me.” 

My eyes fluttered open, and obeying the order, I turned my head slightly to look at him. He smiled down at me, and his eyes were warm, if not a bit hesitant. His hand squeezed mine again, and I found myself squeezing it back softly, as if experimenting. A grin split his face, making him almost shine in the moonlight, and a rough, kind of breathless laugh found its way out of his throat. 

He was happy, as stupid as it sounded. 

He also looked human.

We looked at each other for a few moments, until my neck was screaming in pain in the awkward position, and Masaki gently flipped me on my back, his grin flattening into a smile. His hand was still firmly grasping mine, and it was beginning to be wet. I swallowed nervously. His eyes followed the movement of my Adam’s apple, as if amazed by it. He looked at me, like asking for permission. And then his lips were on it. I gasped. Gentle nips, nothing rough, just to taste and test. “I'm different,” he said again against my throat. “I'm not like them.”

He moved up, and the hand that was in mine left, as his fingers brushed the side of my face. “You're so fresh,” he whispered, eyes wide. “You're different, too.”

I wanted to say that I wasn't different and rather normal, when a knock on the door made him still, panic flashing in his big eyes. The door opened slowly, and Satoshi’s head poked in the gap, eyes sleepy. Masaki visibly relaxed and grinned. “Oh-chan!” 

Oh-chan smiled back, small little upturns on his pouty mouth, and a vague fondness made his eyes more alive than I've ever seen them. He made a sign with his hand and Masaki nodded. He looked down to me again, and whispered, like a secret: “I have to go, but we'll see each other again.”

He pecked my lips, and giggling, he hopped out of the bed and followed Ohno outside. 

I stayed paralyzed and unable to sleep for the better part of the night.

\--

The day after, Masaki was nowhere to be found. Sho was in the kitchen cooking, Ohno was sitting at the table, eyes lost in front of him, and Nino was playing games in the living room. I sighed, and avoided the kitchen, heading to the living room. I sat on my spot on the couch and started looking outside the window. Nino granted me a glance before a smirk appeared on his face and his eyes were back on the television. 

“Masaki likes to go in my room at night,” I said casually, half-excepting a shocked expression from the other boy. But Nino only nodded, his smirk giving way to a gentle smile. 

“Masaki likes company,” Nino said. As he didn't say more, I turned back to the window to look outside, where the rain had stopped, but the sky was still heavy gray. 

After a few minutes of electronic music and dishes being shifted in the kitchen, Nino said: “Maybe you should call your friend, now. It's not too early to make him yell at you for waking him up, but early enough for a long travel.”

I nodded and stood up. As I walked by him, he grabbed my hand roughly, making me jump. “If your friend ever finds the way, I want him to take me back home, too.”

I nodded again, unable to form words under the novel Nino's eyes were writing, so clear and so easy to read, before he dropped my hand and went back to his game as if nothing happened. 

I walked to the kitchen, where Sho welcomed me with a smile and a warm ‘good morning’. Satoshi vaguely looked at me, too, but then probably found the kitchen's table pattern more exciting as his eyes fell. 

“Can I make a call?”

Without hesitation, Sho pointed to the phone with an amused glint in his eyes, and sat next to Ohno, in Nino's former place, where he started to eat, after setting four dishes on the table. I dialled my friend's number, and waited. Same pattern as the day before, and I frowned. Toma always answered his phone. I sighed. I had no one else to call.

I wasn't exactly the most popular guy around, Toma being my only true friend. My sister was in Canada for studies, and I would not call my parents, as stubborn as it sounded. I dialled once again, and with the same result, I roughly put it back on its base. 

“Still no answer?” Sho asked with an apologetic smile, as if it was his phone's fault. Nino was in the doorway, staring at me expectantly. I shook my head at him. I could see the sigh more than hear it, from the drop of his shoulders and the intake of breath, but then he sat at the table like nothing was the matter, facing both Satoshi and Sho with a grim expression. Satoshi cocked his head to the side and stared at him while Sho pointedly ignored him, all his focus on the food. I took the seat next to Nino, and we glanced at each other quickly. 

“This is good, isn't it?” Sho suddenly said, smiling brightly. “Come on, Jun-kun; eat while it's still hot.”

I took the fork and ate mechanically, unable to look at Sho too much, blurry memories invading my head. 

\--

“How did you end up here?” I asked out of curiosity, as Nino and I were walking around the woods, enjoying the few hours of clear weather. The sun was still hiding behind heavy clouds, but it wasn’t raining anymore, which was almost a relief. 

“The same as you. My car broke down and I needed a phone,” Nino admitted with a bitter smile. “I couldn't reach anyone and next thing I knew, my car had disappeared.” 

I nodded, not exactly knowing if I should believe him, if he was just making this up. I didn't know who to trust anymore. “And the others?”

Nino shrugged. “They were already there when I arrived. Ohno can't talk, and Masaki usually can't, too.”

I frowned. “He spoke to me, last night.”

Nino nodded, smiling softly. “Sometimes his head clear up a little.”

“And Satoshi can't talk because...?”

“He's mute, as far as I know. Maybe it wasn't always this way, but for as long as I've been here, I've never heard him say a word.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, pictures of Nino and Ohno side-by-side like inseparable twins invading my head. “You seem rather close to him.”

Nino laughed. “He's a good reassuring presence; you should try it, too.”

I smiled, momentarily imagining myself clinging to Ohno like Nino did. Wind blew in the trees, and droplets of rain fell from the leaves to the top of our heads. “How long have you been here?”

Face unreadable, he said: “I can’t even remember.”

\--

I spent the rest of the day with Nino, playing video games and generally bugging each other off. He was a good source of entertainment, and he sounded like a younger brother I've never had. The day almost went faster than the day before. 

“Maybe you should go take a shower. You stink.”

I laughed, but some panic grabbed my stomach. Going to the bathroom was stressful enough, never knowing if someone would suddenly barge in. I thought I would be able to spend the time I was stuck there without a shower, but Nino stared at me like he knew. 

“I can watch the door while you're in there,” he proposed in a soft, serious voice. I nodded. 

He gave me some of his most baggy clothes, even though they were probably going to be too short on me, and we made our way downstairs to the bathroom. Sho was at his desk, reading a book, and lifted his head when we passed by. He smiled, his gaze lingering on Nino a bit longer than on me, but said nothing and went back to his book. Nino sat on the couch and pulled out an old Game Boy Advance from his pants pocket, and motioned with his chin and a teasing smirk to the bathroom door. I sighed and walked in the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind myself. 

Turning on the lights, I shivered, and took some time standing still, wondering if it was really a good idea. I didn't mind spending a few days without a shower or a bath, if I had to be honest with myself, but now that I was there...

I stared at the curtain around the bath, and some panic overtook me. This was stupid. It wasn’t like anything was waiting for me in the bath. I chuckled to myself. I finally moved and pulled the curtain to the side quickly. Nothing was in the bath, except a rubber duck in the corner. I snorted. I adjusted the water to a comfortable temperature, and began to undress, wondering if I could keep my underwear on. Realizing I was being stupid, Nino was looking out outside anyway, I finally took them off and jumped into the water, deciding to make it quick. 

A few minutes and no incidents later, I turned off the tap and quickly came out. I dried myself with the beige towel hung on a hook behind the door as fast as I could, and struggled to put on the clothes. Finally, I unlocked the door and came out, relief going through me. Until my eyes fell on the couch.

But Nino wasn't sitting there anymore. Just like Sho wasn't sitting behind his desk. The Game Boy had been abandoned on the couch, its music still sounding in the empty room. I shivered, from both cold and something else, and made my way to the staircase. At the top, Ohno was sitting, chin in his hands and elbows on his knees, and he stared at me. From Masaki's bedroom, a guttural, loud groan could be heard. Ohno cocked his head to the side. I quickly climbed the stairs two by two.

The next time I saw Nino, it was at night. I was lying in bed and trying to fall asleep as fast as I could, to make all the pictures going through my head stop. Nino opened the door of the bedroom quietly, and quickly closed it behind himself, locking it at the same time. I sat slowly, and that's when I saw it. Nino smiled. But I could only stare. 

His eye was swollen, a mix of blue, purple and red with blood. His lip was cut, and he was limping. He sat next to me. I couldn't stop staring. He laughed.

“Don't worry about this, he was actually soft tonight.”

“Who?” I murmured, somehow already knowing the answer.

He smirked. “Sakurai.”

\--

Nino spent the night in the bedroom with me, but when the morning came, he was gone. Instead, Masaki was standing in a corner, staring at me. He bit his lip, looked at the door, and finally decided to sit down next to me. He grabbed the hand that was out of the blankets, and squeezed. 

“Sho-chan is not a bad person,” Masaki said in a soft voice. 

He didn't try to get closer; he just stayed where he was, grabbing my hand softly. His eyes were nervously shifting between my face, our hands and the door. “Nino likes to make him mad. Nino likes to make him angry until Sho-chan loses his mind. Nino knows Sho-chan doesn't like when we play with his new toys, but he does it all the time...”

Toys. I snapped my hand back in anger, making Masaki stand up and back off to the wall quickly, scared. “How many toys were there before me?” I asked, because I needed to know. “And what happened to them?”

Masaki was shaking badly, his eyes remaining on the floor. “Masaki, answer me!” I yelled, and the other man whimpered, as if keeping himself from crying. 

“Sho-chan is not bad, no, no,” he was shaking his head, sliding down the wall to the floor, his hands grabbing at his arms, leaving angry red marks where his nails dug too deep. “It's not Sho-chan who is bad,” Masaki then said, and bit his lip really hard. The blood seeped from the broken skin, surprising him. He choked, and ran through the door. 

\--

During the day, after making sure every one of them was busy doing their own things, I decided it was time for me to leave.

A decision I should have made long ago.

I packed the few belongings that I had, and went down the stairs slowly. Sho was in the basement. Ohno was in the kitchen. Nino was in the living room. Aiba was nowhere to be found. 

Just as I was reaching the door, my hand on the doorknob, a quick movement from the corner of my eyes made me turn around, and all I could see was Nino, his bruised eye clashing on his white skin and his face emotionless, before a cloth was roughly put over my nose and mouth. A strong odour filled my nose, and I fainted.

\--

When I came back to my senses, I was back in the bedroom. It was night already, the room was dark. When I tried to rub my eyes, I noticed alarmingly that my right hand would not move. Something cold was wrapped around my wrist. I was handcuffed to the bed frame. I tried to pull it, but it was too tight. 

Then I panicked.

I tried to shake it off, yelling, pulling until the whole bed was shaking. I almost broke my wrist in the process. I hit the bed frame with my fist, without success. I tried to move around to kick it, but it was hurting my arm more than anything else from the awkward angle. I growled, and tried to shake the bed frame violently again.

“There, there, calm down, young man.” 

The sound of the cold voice made me stop, and I turned around. Sho was standing in the doorway, arms crossed in front of his chest and the usual smile absent. 

“Do you know it could have been really dangerous to walk around the wood alone?” He said, like chiding a young kid. 

“Not a reason to handcuff me,” I huffed, and realized my fists were tightly shut, so tightly my nails were breaking the skin. 

Sho looked disappointed. “You'll stay like that until you’ve learned your lesson.”

“What fucking lesson?! Hey, don't turn around!” I screamed when Sho made a move to leave. “I'm not some fucking child, so let me go. I have nothing to do with whatever you do to them.”

Sho feigned ignorance a bit too well. “Me? I don't do anything. But you should watch your mouth before he gets angry.”

“Who? Who the fuck is 'he'? Hey!” But Sho closed the door and left, leaving me alone, enraged and hopeless. I shook the bed frame again, but without success. I finally sighed, and tried to calm down, the rage making my throat close up and my eyes water up. 

This was crazy. What the hell did I get myself into? How did it come to this? I punched the wall, but couldn't feel the pain. 

\--

Later on, Masaki made his way into the bedroom, and closed the door softly. He looked at me, a sad glint in his nervous eyes, and sat at the end of the bed, watching me. I watched back. 

“Sho-chan won't leave you like this for too long,” he whispered. “He always let them go after a few hours.”

“How many 'them', Masaki?” I asked softly. Masaki rubbed the back of his neck, biting his lip. 

“Not a lot. Just people like you who got lost.” He looked at his hands.

“Why is Nino there, then? Why is he there when the others aren't?”

Masaki looked at me, eyes clearer than I've probably seen them so far. “Kazu has been here since the very beginning.” Then he gasped, fear in his large eyes as if he said something he shouldn’t have said, and he ran through the door. I sighed and swore. 

\--

Somehow, I fell asleep. But the pain in my shoulder woke me up, as well as the hand running in my hair. I looked up. Ohno looked down. I sighed, and closed my eyes, a sudden sensation of peace going through me. 

“I can't trust anyone in here, can I?” I asked, even though I knew Ohno wouldn't answer. I opened my eyes when suddenly; I felt warm breath across my cheek. Ohno's lips were by my ear, brushing against the shell. 

“They think I can't, but I do. They think I don't know, but I do.”

I stared at the side of his face with wide-eyes, my heart suddenly beating faster, not quite understanding what was going on. His voice was soft like a morning breeze. 

“Everything is so easy to understand when you close your eyes,” he leaned back, and a grin was splitting his face. He winked playfully and bent down to lick a straight line on my forehead, before he stood up and walked away. I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

\--

The next time I woke up, it was because Sho was leaning above me, unlocking the handcuff. His thumb brushed against the skin of my wrist as if in apology, but I pulled it back to my chest quickly. We looked at each other for a few moments, before he stood up. “Are you hungry? Breakfast is ready.”

I stayed there laying and staring, more out of rebellion than because I really wanted to. Sho smiled. “You're acting like a child again.”

I frowned. “I'm not a child anymore.”

Sho was still smiling, and for the first time, I wanted to rip that smile off his face. My arm was numb, and I was generally weak from lack of food and water, but I had only one idea in my head: get out of here. As soon as possible. 

Sho grabbed my good arm and lifted me up, his hold too tight, making me wince. He pulled me through the door, and before I had the chance to break away, Ohno came to my other side and grabbed my other arm, in a hold even tighter, a bit surprising for the tiredness shown on his face. A sense of hope broke through me, and I kept looking at him, wondering if he would talk again, if he would help me. But he kept his face unreadable, and his mouth shut. 

Instead of going into the kitchen, like I thought we would, they brought me down the staircase into the basement, where Ohno shut the door behind himself. 

Masaki was sitting on the couch with his knees pulled to his chest. Nino was sitting on the floor, nursing a new cut that had appeared on his cheek. Sho pulled me down next to Masaki. The other boy refused to look at me, biting his lip. Nino shot me a glance, but went back to stare at the wall, emotionless. 

Sho took his place behind his desk, still buried under newspaper and other paperwork, while Ohno stood still beside me. Sho smiled. Everything was silent, except for the occasional sliding of paper on paper. My patience was soon to be broken. Nino seemed to feel it, because he was looking at me, amused. 

And then it snapped. 

“What the fuck is wrong with this house? Who the fuck are you?”

Everyone looked at me, even Ohno.

“We're no one special,” Sho said calmly. “And there is nothing wrong with this house, as far as I know.”

“Don't fucking kid with me!” I yelled, and Masaki backed off in the couch’s corner, afraid. 

“Who said he is kidding?” Nino said, bored, and went back to stare at the wall. “Here, you're the freak.”

I laughed, unable to control myself. “A freak, me?” I stood up. “I don't care, I’m out of here.”

It all happened in a blur.

I ran to the staircase. I heard Sho calling Ohno's name. Nino moved from his sitting place in front of the fireplace to reach something. A dull pain at the back of my knees made me fall on the first wood step, and another one to the back of my head made me hit the third step face first. Masaki was sobbing. I fainted again. 

\--

There was a weird scent. Moisture and old wood and something metallic. Blood. I groaned as I felt a flash of pain hitting my nose. Someone shifted close to me. I refused to open my eyes. Both arms were raised in the air. I was lying again. My feet refused to move. I was handcuffed from both hands and feet. My shoulder was killing me. I tried to ignore the pain. A hand in my hair, soothing. 

“Pretty thing, pretty thing. We're not like them. We are the same,” Masaki's soft voice sounded in my ear. I blinked my eyes open. His lip was cut in the middle, probably from biting on it so much. It wasn't the usual room. This one had no windows, and there was a cloth on top of the small lamp, creating a red glow.

Masaki was kneeling next to the bed, his hand still in my hair, like he was petting a small animal. No furniture but this bed, and a chair in front of the bed, next to the door. I tested my links suddenly, and realized I couldn't move. Masaki looked sad. “When they try to escape, he captures them,” his lips brushed my forehead. I closed my eyes again. 

“Will you help me get out of here, Masaki?” I asked, and my voice was hoarse, scratchy. It hurt to talk, now. When Masaki didn't answer, and the hand in my hair stopped moving, I opened my eyes. 

He was looking at me with a soft smile on his lips. “I tried,” he whispered, “but I am stuck here, too. We are the same.” His hand moved again. Something caught in my throat. Who was Masaki? Why was it one moment, he seemed like a lost child, followed by a madman, and then a man?

Why was everyone so hard to discern in here?

His hand moved from the top of my head to the side of my face, where he leaned in to brush a small kiss to my cheek. I stopped breathing for a moment. His hand moved down, and then was around my neck.

I looked at the ceiling. It was rotten. Parts of it looked like it was about to fall off.

His hand was squeezing ever so softly. I could hear him lick his lips. I closed my eyes and waited. 

“I won't hurt you,” he whispered in my ear. “I can't hurt you,” he admitted after a beat. “Why not?” I whispered back, eyes still closed. I didn't need visuals to know he was biting his lip nervously. The hand around my neck was moist. “Because you're like me,” he answered just as softly, with what seemed like a sob in his voice. I opened my eyes.

We stared at each other for a moment, his face so close to mine; I could see the small beauty marks and freckles on his face. A thumb was softly rubbing at the side of my neck. “And who are you, Masaki?”

He grinned and stood up. “I'll come back later,” he said in a soft voice and walked to the door, turning back for a few seconds to look at me before walking away and closing the door behind himself. 

\--

I couldn't sleep. My arms were both numb to the point of pain. The air was suffocating. I couldn't tell if a few minutes or a few hours had passed. I could hear their footsteps from the floor above. My stomach was growling, but I knew that if I had food in front of me, I would probably throw up. My mouth was dry. And my knee hitched. 

I wanted to go home. 

I couldn't tell if it was day or night. I seemed to have lost all sense of orientation. Sometimes, I could hear Sho's loud laugh somewhere in the house. Sometimes, someone walked in front of the door, but left without coming in. 

When did it come to this?

A loud noise echoed from the first floor. I tended an ear, trying to hear more. Hushed discussion, someone ran. Sho yelled something I couldn’t understand; someone quickly came down the stairs, and opened the bedroom's door in one swing. In the soft light, I could discern Nino. His skin was paler than usual, his chest was heaving, and he had a strange, deranged smile on his face. He approached. I couldn't move, and found out I didn't care anymore. 

“Jun-kun goes to sleep now...” he sing-sang, and put a cloth in front of my nose. Inhaling by force as Nino put his fist under my jaw, I fainted.

\--

There were voices all around me. Sho was laughing, someone was touching my cheek. I tried to stay still, so maybe they would leave me alone, but the fingers tickled me, and I moved my head to the side, trying to escape.

“Pretty thing, pretty thing. Open your eyes, now.”

It was Masaki's voice in my ear, his breath hot against it. I obeyed. And instantly wished I didn't. 

On the chair, someone was sitting. They were naked, gagged and roped, the side of their head bleeding, their eyes panicked, unfocused. When our gaze met, their eyes started watering. 

“Toma...” I muttered, and the name rolled on my tongue like a strange word, sounding so far from my own ears. 

Toma tried to struggle against his bounds, but Sho was there to put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing in a warning, and the sight of his gentle smile out of place. 

“Your friend came to pay us a visit, earlier today. It was quite a surprise,” Sho looked at Nino pointedly, who looked away, like an angry child, sat on a chair newly brought next to the bed. “I'd thought I'd never have to see his pretty face here.”

Masaki's hand was stroking my hair, and I couldn't stop staring at Toma, whose eyes were everywhere at the same time. He couldn't stay still. Tears were staining his cheeks, wetting the cloth in his mouth. His breath was laboured, and Sho was looking at him kindly, almost tenderly. It made me want to throw up, but I laid still, Masaki's hand still in my hair, his mouth still close to my ear. He was grinning. 

“Masaki, can you go get a present for our visitor?” Sho asked softly, and the hand in my hair stopped moving and grabbed a handful of hair painfully with excitement as the boy nodded and ran from the room quickly. “It's only common manners to offer presents to visitors, right?” Sho was smiling. Nino was still looking away. Ohno was standing in a corner, face unreadable. Toma was crying. My head hurt, my vision was blurry. I couldn't feel my arms anymore, couldn't even move my fingers. 

“Come on now, don't be scared of us,” Sho ran a finger on Toma's jaw, still smiling. “We won't hurt you.”

And I knew it was such a disgusting lie. I wanted to hit Sho in the head, make him bleed, hurt him like I was hurting, run away with Toma. It was impossible. 

Masaki came back, his giggle high-pitched and his eyes shining. He handed Sho a knife. It was shining. Toma was sobbing. I couldn't even properly register what was happening. The room was spinning, I wanted to throw up, the taste of bile and vomit in my mouth, but nothing came. Masaki came back to his place next to me, his hand came back to my hair; he was so happy.

Sho eyed the knife, the low lighting of the room making his eyes so much darker. His voice sounded distorted, far away, when he said: “Jun-kun, look closely at what is going to happen now.”

The tip of the knife grazed Toma's cheek, who was now looking at me intently. Everything was blurry, I blinked. It moved from his cheek to his jaw, leaving an angry red line in its wake. Sho was smiling, Masaki was breathing heavily in my ear. It moved down, to his throat. He dug the knife deeper into the skin, and blood started to flow. Toma closed his eyes. 

Sho was going to kill Toma in front of me. And I was bound there to watch. 

“Come on Sho, just do it,” Nino said from the side, watching intently, his shining eyes unable to cover his excitement. 

Sho's gentle smile suddenly grew to a full grin, as he held the knife in the air.

Then, I saw what madness was.

The knife went down, and came up, covered in blood. Toma screamed. The knife went down again, and came up. Went down, came up. Sho was screaming, and was still screaming even when Toma stopped.

It seemed to last forever. Sho was still screaming. Masaki's hold in my hair was tight, too tight, his breathing heavy and wet. I couldn't feel anything. Sho wasn't stopping. A few minutes or a few hours of this madness may have passed, I couldn't tell. Sho finally let the knife fall on the floor, his voice scorched. Then he laughed. 

It's when I caught a glimpse of Toma's bowels that I violently threw up.

\--

Masaki was talking to me, but I couldn't process what he was saying. His soft voice, wanting to be soothing, was too close to my ear. His hand was rubbing my neck. He was half-lying next to me, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I watched Ohno and Sho taking Toma's body away. I didn't know where. They just grabbed the chair and took him outside the bedroom. Nino followed them. But Masaki stayed there. He wanted to soothe me. I couldn't even hear him.

I was numb.

Sho came back after what felt like a few hours. He unlocked the handcuffs and my arms fell to my sides, the sudden rush of blood through my veins hurting, and I may have screamed, but I couldn't even hear myself. Masaki was holding me tightly. I couldn't feel him. 

My vision started to black out, and then someone was touching my face. I looked up, and Ohno looked down. We were alone in the room. 

“You didn't see. You didn't close your eyes,” he sounded sad. 

“There is nothing to see but how horrible you all are,” I answered, and my voice was scratchy, an almost unheard whisper. I couldn't recognize myself. He smiled. 

“You’ll see soon. Go to sleep now, Jun-kun.”

He put his palm above my eyes, and I fell into a deep slumber.

\--

Ohno and Nino were like dolls, twin dolls, both so pale from lack of sunlight, both holding hands and of the same height, staring at me from the doorway. One was grinning, the other one looked sad. They were like dolls, and when they kissed, it looked almost as if they were going to break, porcelain dolls, so pale. There was blood on their faces, on their hands, and they kissed as if they could breathe through each other. I couldn’t really understand what was going on, my head hurt so much, Nino was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, smiling. I didn’t know what he wanted. I didn’t know what he was waiting for. Ohno’s eyes started to bleed, as if he were crying red tears. The blood mixed with their entangling tongues, and my head hurt so much, so much... 

Masaki was behind them, smiling, laughing. He was behind Nino, and smelling his hair, smelling his neck, smelling his shoulder. He was like a dog, a wolf, smelling. He was so dark compared to the twins, and yet pale enough so that his birthmark looked like a burn stain (and maybe it was). There was blood everywhere, Toma’s blood? Masaki licked the back of Nino’s neck, and the younger one moaned in Satoshi’s mouth. They all looked at me, and my head hurt so much... 

There was a car, and rain. A lot of rain. Light outside the door, and maybe Toma had finally arrived. Maybe I could go back home. But then the door was suddenly slammed shut, and I was bounded and gagged to a bed, and Sho kissed me deeply, his tongue tasted of blood, his hand around my neck, stroking. He left, smiling the same way he always did. 

Ohno and Nino were still standing in a tight embrace, and that’s when Masaki left, as if hearing something from somewhere, like a dog, he started to run. 

Ohno and Nino were knotted in each other, and they looked at me, as if in a challenge.

They left, giggling, holding hands, like soulless twins, leaving me in the dark of a room smelling like blood. So much blood, everywhere...

\--

When I woke up, I was alone. The scent of blood, vomit and moisture was heavy, and my head was still hurting. I rubbed my eyes, trying to erase the sleep from them, trying to erase the way the room was spinning. It almost worked. Then I rubbed my wrists with a thumb, realizing I wasn't handcuffed anymore. My stomach was hurting and I was thirsty. 

Extremely thirsty. 

Only the thought of the bathroom sink made me stand up. I had to lean against the wall; my legs were too weak to support my own weight. I made my way out of the bedroom slowly, with difficulty. The basement was empty, no one was there. I couldn't hear any sounds in the house at all. Were they all sleeping?

I made my way to the bathroom next door, and nearly crashed into the sink when I lost my balance. I opened the tap, and the first droplets of water on my tongue were like heaven. I couldn't stop drinking, and it felt like forever before my body decided that it was enough. 

Then I leaned back against the wall, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, despite the dark. I switched on the light. I had deep black circles under my eyes. I looked skinnier, paler. My hair was a mess. 

I looked dead. 

And somehow, I couldn't stop staring. As if looking at someone else entirely. As if this stranger in front of me would suddenly start talking to me. But of course it only stared back. Of course, it didn't say a word. I blinked and forced myself to look away. 

Electronic music could be heard from far away. Leaning heavily against the wall as the world spun around me, I followed it. 

I slowly walked up the stairs, and advanced through the darkness of the house. It was getting louder, and louder, until I walked into the kitchen. 

Sho was sitting at the table, and looked up when I entered. He smiled.

“Hello, Jun-kun. Come here and sit down, before it gets cold.” 

Nino was sitting in a corner, his Game Boy firmly in his hands. He looked like a stray dog, like an animal waiting to be domesticated. Food was on the table, and the scent of it made my empty stomach quiver. Meat and vegetables, and it was slowly fuming, as if made recently. Sho’s stare was strong, unwavering, like he was waiting for something other than me sitting at the table and join him. 

What was I doing here? What was I waiting for? I almost couldn’t even stand on my own two feet, and yet I was still in this house, waiting for something I couldn’t grasp... 

I walked to the telephone, breathing calmly. They were watching me, watching my every move, but I couldn’t care. I dialled the number I promised myself I wouldn’t dial, and waited. Busy line. I tried again. Nothing but the insistent beep, beep, beep. “Mom...” I whispered, and I felt like crying, felt like screaming, felt like hitting someone...

Two arms firmly wrapped around my waist and led me to a chair. It was Ohno, and he was as quiet as he usually was. There was no heat in his eyes; there was nothing in his face but coldness. I shivered. 

The scent of the food nearly made me pass out, but Sho’s eyes were so heavy, burning, I couldn’t...

“We don’t have much food, around here,” he was whispering, something wild crossing his eyes. “We eat what we can...”

There was a long silence; even Nino’s game wasn’t making noises anymore. I looked down at the food on my plate. Meat and vegetables, slowly fuming. 

Masaki was standing in front of the window outside, watching, and biting his lip. 

Toma’s body taken away. Toma’s limbs chopped to pieces. Toma...

Sho was still staring at me, his eyes wide. He was waiting for something. He was waiting for me to react. I knew. He knew. Nino was watching closely, still crouched in his corner. Ohno was behind me, as if watching over me. Masaki was outside, as if they knew he would try something to make me stop... 

Make me stop as I took a hold of the knife next to the plate and, with some newfound energy I didn’t know I had anymore (maybe it was the instant fury), dug it into Sho’s hand until it went through and hit the table. Sho screamed, but I couldn’t hear it over the blood rushing in my ears, over my own yell. Nino was laughing, somewhere behind, and Ohno didn’t even try to hold me down when I suddenly stood up, and straddled the table to reach the other man, blood pouring from his hand, knife still in his hand. Everyone was only watching as I closed my hands around his throat with so much strength that his chair toppled backwards, and I followed him to the floor, his hand ripping in two. I was still strangling him, and I didn’t feel anything else but fury, and Masaki was hitting the window with his fist whilst crying, but I couldn’t stop...

“Come on Jun, kill me.”

Sho muttered through clenched teeth. He wasn’t fighting back, he was just watching me with the same wildness in his eyes, and it wasn’t going away, even if I held him as much as I could, I had no strength left.

I closed my eyes.

And then opened them again.

There were knives, over there, on the kitchen counter. They were in this wood box; my mom had the same one. I stood up and ran to it, crashing into the counter as I lost my balance, and grabbed the biggest of them. 

When I turned around, Sho was on the floor, bleeding and pale and smiling and I wanted to rip it off his face. 

That’s exactly what I did. 

I felt the flesh rip, I felt the bones resisting, I felt the blood rush out, wetting my hands. I couldn’t see anything; everything was red and Nino was still laughing, high and childish, somewhere far away. When there was nothing left of his face, my hand moved to the neck, slicing and digging and screaming until my own throat felt raw.

Sho wasn’t breathing anymore. 

And then I threw the knife away and stood up, staring down at my work. So much blood, so much red. It was dreadfully silent again; Nino had stop laughing and was only watching, his eyes huge with wonderment. Masaki was crying outside, and it was an ugly sight. I stared at him, and he stared back, and I couldn’t do anything more than turn around and quit the kitchen. 

I was empty, from lack of food and lack of thoughts. Nobody tried to follow me when I went outside, and it was plain daytime, the sun hitting me squarely. It was too hot on my frozen skin, and I smelt like blood. I was covered in it, too. 

I was making my way to the road, but Masaki caught me first. He was sweaty and crying, his birthmark dark on his pale skin. He held me in his arms, cried on my shoulder, muttering things that didn’t make sense to me. ‘It’s over now’, ‘you did great’. 

I couldn’t listen, couldn’t understand. Masaki was real and alive against me, but all I could smell was blood and sweat and the sun was too hot on top of my head. I couldn’t focus, even when Masaki’s lips closed on mine, even if the whole situation was surreal. I couldn’t taste anything, couldn’t breathe... 

I pushed him away, and he stumbled backward, looking hurt and pleased at the same time. He was an animal; he had the same glint in his big eyes, the same posture as the creatures. He took my hand and led me back to the house, and I wanted to stop, wanted so much, but I had no strength... 

Nino grinned from the hallway, holding Ohno’s hand tight in his. They were the same height, and looked like a pair of twin dolls, one with the huge eyes and a big smile, one with the sad stare and silent mouth. 

“It is a long way to your car, Jun-kun,” Nino whispered, as if a secret. “Maybe you can spend the night here?” 

The same fury invaded me, too quickly, always too quickly, and my hands were wrapping around his neck before I could even register moving. He was grinning, but Ohno wasn’t as happy and put a hand over mine, heat against the cold, as if electric. I let him go, and Nino laughed, while Masaki wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his body, as if it would make me feel better. But he was an animal, I couldn’t...

And then there was sudden pain in my stomach as Nino punched me, and the pain was so great, and I was so weak, I fainted, falling in his arms.

\--

The scent of blood was still overwhelming. There was a mattress under my back, and I instantly knew where I was. I was naked, the feel of cotton almost painful against my legs, my back, my arms. There was an insistent headache splitting my head in two, and lips on my chest. 

“You did great,” Masaki was muttering, rubbing against my leg, sighing as he licked a nipple. “It was awesome.” His hands were on my sides, my neck, and my hips. I couldn’t stop him. “All this blood. Sho-chan’s blood, all over the floor.” His hips moved faster against my thigh and he groaned. He sounded everything like an animal. One of his hands left my body. “So much blood... His neck...” he licked one long line from my collarbones to my jaw. “You did so well, Jun-chan...” He bit. “So, so good,” he gasped. “Jun-chan,” he moaned, and his hips only went faster. I couldn’t feel the pain. He had a hand wrapped around himself, too. The headache was so strong, I couldn’t open my eyes. And then there was a loud groan, so close to the dog’s ones, and there was wetness against my hip, my stomach. 

I couldn’t even feel disgusted. 

Masaki stopped moving gradually, breathing deeply. He was kissing my neck, his hand softly stroking my Adam’s apple. He always had a fascination for my neck. That’s where I stopped caring.

“Do it,” I muttered.

I knew he was looking at me. 

“Squeeze tight, Masaki. Make me stop breathing.”

There was a few seconds of silence, where Masaki’s breath visibly got faster again, but then he chuckled, low in his throat. He kissed my lips before whispering against them: “Maybe another day.”

Despite the screaming pain in my head, I opened my eyes, blinking slowly to adjust to the soft lighting. Masaki was looking down at me with a soft smile, one hand supporting his head up, another one rubbing my stomach. “Jun-chan did so great,” he whispered. “It would be very sad to kill you now.” He kissed my cheek. “I would be very sad.”

In my head, though, it was like I was already dead.

\--

Nino was sitting like a bird on the edge of the bed, big eyes and quirky smile. He handed me a bag of chips. 

“I know you’re hungry,” he said. “We can hear it from upstairs.” 

I couldn’t care less about food. Seeing as I didn’t react, Nino laughed. “Are you going to let yourself die, Jun? After all this? After we killed your best friend right in front of your eyes? After you killed Sho?” He leaned in, and whispered, ugly voice in my ear: “Are you going to act like you don’t care, Jun?” 

He leaned back and we stared at each other. He was grinning, his childish features gloomy in the low light of the room. 

I knew he was only trying to provoke me. I knew. 

“You’re not bounded, now, Jun. You can do whatever you want.”

And then it hit me; Nino wanted to die. He wanted to leave, wanted to go home. 

“Do you want to die, Nino?” I asked because I could. Nino’s eyes shone in the soft light. “Do you want to feel pain, to stop breathing and finally let go?” 

Nino chuckled darkly. “I don’t want to die.” He leaned in, his breath softly caressing my cheek. “But I like pain.”

He liked pain. I looked at him slowly, and he was smirking, that damn smirk. “Sho-chan was good at giving me pain.” He licked a straight line from my eyelid to the side of my mouth. “Can you?”

I punched him in the stomach, and he flew backward, down to the floor, with a loud surprised groan. And then he was laughing. “That’s it,” he stood up, rubbing his stomach and coughing. “You like to hurt too, don’t you? You like it.”

He jumped on top of me, suddenly excited, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me a little. It hurt. “We’re your toys now; you can do whatever you want with us.” 

Toys.

He kissed me roughly before standing up and heading to the doorway where Ohno and Aiba were standing, silent and smiling, their eyes glowing. Nino turned around, his stare so bright, making me dizzy. 

“All yours.”

\--

Masaki made me eat at some point. I couldn’t refuse, but he forced it a little, the scent of food almost making me pass out again. I was still lying in bed, but I was slowly getting my strength back. Ohno was watching over me like an owl, silent and huge eyes in the dark. Sometimes, he came over to brush the hair out of my eyes, and I fell asleep as if under a spell. 

They were mine. That’s what he said. All mine. I could kill them, use them, and throw them away. They were merely objects. Animals. Mine. 

I’ve killed their master. I’ve killed him the way he wanted to die. And now I was the master. Did Sho have to kill someone, too? How many masters did they have, before? Who were they, where did they come from, how did they end up here? Were they simply alive? 

I’ve killed someone. And couldn’t find it in myself to feel regret. 

Mine, mine, mine. We were all animals fighting for dominance. Animals.

You should watch your mouth before he gets angry.

This animal, deep inside of me. 

You are like me.

An animal.

\--

“Do you want something to eat?” Nino whispered in my ear, and I shook my head. 

“I want to finish reading this, first,” I whispered back. Nino hummed and nuzzled my neck. I patted his head like someone would pat a pet, and he chuckled, happy. 

He went to sit on the couch and moulded himself onto Ohno’s side, who didn’t do so much as blink and wrapped an arm around the slighter man. 

The doorbell rang, and Masaki ran from his spot in front of the foyer to the hall. I raised an eyebrow. There were no visitors, usually. 

Masaki came back quickly, anxious. I went to the door myself. A young man was standing there, seemingly uncomfortable. “My car broke down a few miles away. Can I use your phone?”

Oh. 

I smiled sweetly. 

“Of course. It’ll be in the kitchen, if you want to follow me.”

\--

The End.


End file.
